Funny Quotes

Tag Archive for Funny Quotes

Oh That Betty White

May 1, 2012

Betty White is awesome! As if you didn’t already know that … but if you didn’t, and you need some proof, here’s a funny quote from her on turning 90. Which she did on January 17th. See, I told you she was awesome. What other famous 90 year old talks about how horny she it? I can’t think of one. I can’t actually think of any other famous 90 year old women. And now I can’t actually think of anything else to write for this post. So with that being the case, I’ll direct you to some other funny Betty White quotes.

picture via humor mood

I Heart Nerds

April 26, 2012

I love funny quotes … and this one from comedienne & writer Chelsea Peretti is no exception. As soon as I finished reading it, I thought to myself, finally someone has put into words what I’ve been thinking for a long time. To me, and no offense to nerds out there, a real nerd is a guy like the Lewis Skolnick character played by Robert Carradine in Revenge Of The Nerds. That’s a nerd. He looks like a nerd. He acts like a nerd. He talks like a nerd. A true nerd through and though. But, and this is a big but, that’s not usually the nerd these chicks who wear I Heart Nerds t-shirts are referring to like Chelsea so eloquently puts. They want the kind of nerd that’s not really a nerd, but instead a model who wears a sweater vest and glasses and poses for GQ magazine. So if that’s your idea of a nerd, turn in your I Heart Nerds shirt immediately. You don’t deserve to wear it. You give the true nerd lovers a bad name. But if your idea of a nerd is one like Lewis, then high five to you, wear your shirt proudly, cause you kicks ass in my books. Screw all those fake nerd lovers.

pictures via humor mood & wikia

Growing Up Sucks

April 24, 2012

If there are any kids out there, listen to what the slide tells you, “Kids, cherish your childhood growing up sucks.” Have truer words ever been spoken? I think now. Growing up does suck. Being a kid rules. You get to do fun things. You can fart in public and people laugh. You can jump on a trampoline all day and never get tired of it. You can watch the same movie over and over again and still want to watch it again tomorrow. You can do crazy stunts and not worry about breaking your leg. See being a kid is awesome. I don’t get to do any of those. My life isn’t fun. When I fart in public, no one laughs, they just stare at me with a grossed out look on their faces. Jumping on a trampoline for 2 minutes is plenty enough for me. I watch most movies only once and never think about them again. And when doing crazy stunts all I think about is breaking my leg. See being an adult sucks. So cherish it while you can cause it goes by in a blink of an eye.

picture via fork party

My Next Life

April 18, 2012

I posted this Woody Allen My Next Life picture on Facebook, and was just going to leave it at that, but then I started to think about it a bit and thought well maybe I’d like to write something about it as well. So here we are. If you already saw it on Facebook, I’m sure you’ll be happy to see it again because it’s awesome … and if you didn’t see it on Facebook, well quite frankly you would have had you been a member of the Steven Humour Facebook Page. And don’t get me wrong, this isn’t some lame attempt to get people to join. Join or don’t join. It’s your life. I’m not the boss of you and your Internet habits.

Now about the graphic, or more specifically what Woody Allen has to say about how he’d like his next life to be. I think this would be an awesome way to live out your life. You start out dead and slowly get healthy, build up knowledge, earn money and be young enough to enjoy it all that. The normal way sucks. Granted, you’d still have the aches and pains of being old and all the stuff that goes along with that, but at least you’d have youth to look forward to … and the best part is your life would end off with an orgasm. That’s pretty much the best way to end anything off if you ask me.

Feeling stressed after a shitty commute home because the city decided to road work during the busiest time of day? Have an orgasm. That will make you feel better. Your favourite team just got eliminated from the playoffs? Have an orgasm. That will make you feel better. You just got fired? Have an orgasm. That will make you feel better.

See, orgasms make things better. Especially if you do them in a private place like your home. If you do them in public, you’ll probably end up getting arrested and that won’t be better. That would be worse. Even worse would be going to jail or ending up on the sex offenders list and everybody finding out what you did. You don’t want that. I don’t want that. And most of all, Woody Allen doesn’t want that.