picture via the berry
People From School
I had a friend one time, his name was Peter, in high school who freaked out when, as a prank, we changed the lock on his locker. He got so mad he took off his shirt and grabbed some guy’s lunch, I can’t remember who, and took off running down the hall and out the front door. We followed him of course. We couldn’t not see the end result of what we created. Peter was out front ranting and raving. As I recall it was mostly gibberish … but he did say, “oh you think this is funny huh? well I’ll show you something’s that’s funny.” And then he threw that kid’s lunch up onto the roof. The school’s groundskeeper saw this and came over and hosed Peter to calm him down. Peter calmed down.
Afterwards we told Peter the locker thing was just a prank … and took the lock off for him. Once he got in his locker, that kid that Peter took the lunch from came over and took Peter’s lunch. He said something like, “you threw my lunch on the roof. now I throw yours.” So he threw Peter’s lunch on the roof. It seemed like a reasonable way to settle the problem. After that day I never saw that kid again. I think he moved.
picture via lol daddy
Steven Links
Well it’s Monday. I swear the weekend goes by way too quick. Anyway, here are some funny links. Enjoy!
- 1950′s first world problems (Bro Bible)
- Coloring for lazy people (Eat Liver)
- How not to launch a rocket (Turd Ferguson Blog)
- 30 funny auto corrects (Bacon Wrapped Media)
- Read the fine print (Canucklehead)
- Epic prom hair fail (Shinbow)
- 20 funny passive aggressive notes (Vitamin-Ha)
- Funny quote from Jimmy Kimmel (Regretful Morning)
- Funny baby and dog picture (Lol Mode)
Waiting For My Friend
I watched Along Came Polly over the weekend. That movie has a lot of funny moments, but one scene I like in particular is when Sandy Lyle, played by the always awesome Philip Seymour Hoffman, and Reuben Feffer, played by the equally awesome Ben Stiller, are at some art show, and after a few minutes of being there, Sandy comes up to Reuben and very abruptly tells him that they have to leave. Reuben asks why. Sandy responds because he sharted. You know, he tried to fart and a little bit of shit came out. That’s not the exact dialogue, but you get the picture.
I’ve never sharted. Well maybe I have once or twice, but it’s hard to tell sometime if it’s just going to be gas coming out. You think it’s going to be, but then … surprise!!! Considering I’ve farted tens of thousands of times in my life and have only sharted twice, that’s a really good percentage that nothing bad is going to happen. But when you play the odds, and even if they’re stacked heavily in your favour, you’re bound to lose every once in a while.
picture via acid cow
Note To Self
Farting is funny! Some people think farting is gross. Mostly women. They just don’t get that kind of humour. Personally, I like a good fart. The louder and more robust the better. A nice stinky fart is funny as well, but not so much when someone else does it because you’re breathing in their ass gas. Have you noticed that breathing in your own noxious fumes are far more tolerable than someone else’s? It’s no big deal when it’s your own. And whether they admit it or not, a lot of guys out there will waft the smell up to their noses to get a whiff of their beef stew. If you’re a guy, you know what I’m talking about. If you’re a woman, you probably won’t understand this phenomenon. Although I’m sure some women do it as well, but I think it’s more of a guy thing.
Another good time for a nice stinky fart is if you can let a sneaky one go in a room full of people and everyone is left covering their noses and looking around for the culprit who decided to squeeze one out. That’s hilarious. It’s less hilarious when there are only two people in the room and you’re one of them and the other person is some hot chick or dude you’re out on a first date with. Chances are if that happens you won’t be getting a second date, but you never know, cause that person may share in your joy of cutting the cheese. And if you do find that special person, hold on to them tight, cause they’re hard to come by.
picture via sexy and funny
You’re Awesome
Just in case no one told you today how awesome you are, here’s Bill Murray to do just that. You’re awesome! Now don’t you feel better about yourself knowing that Bill Murray thinks you’re awesome?
picture via dump a day