Have you ever been around someone who mumbled a lot? The worst thing about dealing with a mumbler is that you can’t understand what they’re saying. Unless you can read lips this can be somewhat of a problem. It gets to the point where you grow tired of saying pardon me and could you please repeat that and either start saying yes or nodding your head to everything they say without really know what you’re agreeing to. But here’s a clever way to combat this courtesy of this funny Ozzy Osbourne Samsung cell phone commercial. So if you have a mumbler in your life, I think this might be worth a try.

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How To Understand A Mumbler Without Reading Lips

It’s quite possible that I’m seeing things, but is that a plastic pop bottle wedged between that police officer’s butt cheeks?  From this angle I can’t really tell if it’s Sprite, 7UP … or possibly a Mountain Dew bottle.  This is somewhat puzzling to me that this guy doesn’t know that it’s there.  Then again maybe he does, and he’s just saving it for later so he can return it to the store and get that 5 cent refund.  Those nickels add up quickly.  I should know that better than anyone cause I return every bottle and can that I can.  Although I choose to carry mine in a plastic bag rather than my ass.  But that’s just me and I have a weird way of doing things.

Picture Source: Break

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Is That A Pop Bottle Wedged In His Butt Crack?

Getting divorced sucks … especially when you have to split everything fifty fifty. Who gets this? Who gets that? I want this. You can have that. It’s not always a pretty thing. And by the looks of it, the couple that owned this car couldn’t come to any kind of agreement who was going to get to keep it. It would appear it got so nasty in the battle for the vehicle that the only thing that could be done was split it right down the middle. You may think to yourself, what a waste. That was stupid. Well not necessarily. It all depends on which half of the car you get. If you get the front. You’re still golden. If you get the back. You’re pretty much screwed. Don’t quite understand what I mean? Well watch the video which clearly shows that the front half of a car is better than the rear.

By the looks of the sign hanging on the car, the guy got the front half … not to mention the last laugh. Ha ha ha! Although I can’t imagine many women being impressed with a guy that drives half a car. Not really much of a chick magnet. Guys on the other hand would probably think it was pretty cool. But that’s just how we are. We’re easily amused by the stupidest things.

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The Effect Of Divorce On A Car

Many times in the past I’ve posted pictures and videos on this site featuring sexy women, like this one for example.  That’s fine and dandy if you’re a guy and you like sexy pictures of women.  But considering a good percentage of Steven Humour readers are women, this might not appeal to you all that much, and you may think to yourself, where are the sexy guys?  I’ve seen plenty of boobs here.  Now bring on the dudes.  Well ladies, today is your lucky day, cause I came across this fellow that I thought you might like to drool over.  Isn’t he dreamy?  The thing that I found most striking about this young man was his ability to stick his pinky in one nostril and out the other.  How many guys have you ever seen that could do that?  Not many I would suspect.  Couldn’t you just see yourself taking him home to meet your family for the first time … and right before dessert he does that thing with his nose?  They’d be talking about that for days.  It kinda makes you wonder what else he can do with that pinky doesn’t it?

Picture Source: LOL Pix

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Something Sexy For The Ladies

A wise man once said, “Stupid is as stupid does.”  That wise man was Forrest Gump, and that’s a pretty profound statement for someone who was considered to be an idiot.  He also said, “Life is like a box of chocolates.  You never know what you’re going to get.”  That’s not as profound, because all that really proves is that he never ate a box of chocolates that came with a little card that told you exactly what every chocolate in the box was.  Had he, he would’ve had to rethink that whole thing about life … while he was running.

Forrest Gump might not have been a smart man, but at least he wasn’t as stupid as the people that populate this building on a daily basic cause what else would explain this sign?  I think it’s kind of sad that someone has to be told to push the up button on an elevator to go up and push the down button to go down.  As far as I’m concerned, if you can figure that out by which way the arrows are pointing on the buttons, then you don’t deserve to use elevator.  You deserve to walk your stupid ass up the stairs and use the extra time that it takes you to get to your floor to reflex upon your stupidity and not be stupid next time.  That would benefit us all.  But I guess if it wasn’t for stupid people who would the rest of us use to make ourselves look smarter?

Run Forrest run!

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A Stupid Sign For Stupid People

I think it would be cool to fight crime.  What I don’t think would be cool is wearing a costume while doing so like your average superhero does.  Dressing up like a bat doesn’t really appeal to me all that much.  Costumes by in large are hot, itchy, and cumbersome … and getting in and out of them quite frankly isn’t all that fun either.  I’d rather wear something like an old school hockey goalie like Jason from Friday The 13th to conceal my identity.  That’s be awesome.  It’s simple yet very effective.  And be honest, if you were a criminal, who would you be more afraid of, Batman or Jason?   If I saw Jason, I’d crap my pants, run the other way and never commit a crime again.  If I saw Batman, I’d ask for an autograph.

As for the guy in the picture, I wouldn’t ask for his autograph and I wouldn’t run from him.  If I was a criminal, I think what I would do to subdue him is use my superpower of being able to sneak up behind him and give him a wedgie.  Yoink!  And while he was lying on the ground with his eyes watering busily pulling the bunched up material out of his crack, I’d make off with the loot.  Score one for the bad guy.

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Worst Batman Costume Ever!

I saw this funny video of a fat cat that slides across the kitchen floor and into a yogurt the other day and thought it was great and wanted to show it to you here, but the site I saw it on didn’t offer the option to embed it on another site, so I couldn’t. Dirty bastards. They’re off my Christmas card list this year. And that’s too bad for them cause I usually put money in cards. But luckily, I came across the same funny cat video on another site which does offer the embed function. Hooray for them!

I’d like to have a cat like this because I like cats and they keep mice away. Plus I have a tile floor and as it slides across it, it could clean it for me like one of those Swiffer dust mops and save me having to do it. That would rule. So not only would the cat be entertaining, it would also do housework. That’s rare for a cat to do both. Most of the time they just sleep and do nothing. Which I guess is a pretty good life.

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Fat Cat Slides Into A Yogurt Box

Boy, have I got a treat for you today with something I bet you never thought you’d ever see in your whole lifetime. That is unless you’ve already seen this video clip of some guy getting trapped in a balloon somewhere else. In that case it’s not really a treat for you. So just disregard this post and concentrate on the many other funny posts I’ve provided on this site for your enjoyment.

For those of you that haven’t seen it, it’s actually funny and strange all rolled into one. And the best part comes at about the 1 minute and 22 second part when this marvel of balloon wizardry utters the classic line “Oh great, I’m becoming trapped in a balloon.” Total balloon failure.

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Guy Gets Trapped In A Balloon

When I first saw this picture of a car rim with a penis and testicle design implemented into it, I thought to myself, what kind of person would want these on their car?  At the time, I never came up with an answer to that question.  But thinking about it now, I guess if he was a porn star and best known for that certain part of his body, it might make sense … or possibly a guy compensating for more personal shortcomings.  If you know what I mean.  It also got me wondering what the rest of the car looks like.  I’m picturing a suped up version of the Oscar Mayer Weiner Mobile with a big rocket engine that shoots flames out of the back kind of like the Batmobile from the old TV show.  Whatever it looks like, I’ll say one thing for it, it’s got balls.

Let me know what you think of these rims.  Are they cool, stupid, or maybe stupid cool?  And what’s your thought on what the car might look like?

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Car Rims With Balls. Literally.

Have you ever smelt something really bad but couldn’t find the source of it no matter how hard you searched? You sniffed and sniffed and sniffed, but no luck. Well that’s exactly they premise behind this funny animated video entitled “Stinks”. I don’t really want to tell you any more about it and spoil it, but I will say this, the ending is hilarious. And since it’s only a minute or so long, it’s not a huge time commitment for something I think you’ll get a laugh out of. Enjoy!

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This Stinks And That’s Why It’s Funny