This Is What Happens When You Have No Clean Clothes

Shit, I’m really upset that my cousin decided to post this picture of me wearing my jean shorts and my ten year old niece’s tank top.  I told her I had nothing else to wear and that this was better than going out naked.  She just laughed and pretended she didn’t know me as we rode the train downtown.  But as you can see in living colour she did manage to snap a pic with that retched Blackberry of hers.  I hate that thing.  Ever since she got it, my most embarrassing moments have been well documented.  Like this one for example, or when we were at the petting zoo and she caught me at a weird angle and it looked like I was doing unmentionable things with a sheep.  Which I totally wasn’t.  I had my pants off cause I spilt mustard on my leg and I was cleaning it off in the drinking fountain.  I swear.  It was innocent.

Luckily I don’t have any co-workers because this picture would haunt me at work.  I don’t think I could put up with the ridicule and mean comments like, “Nice Daisy Dukes … where’s Bo and Luke at?,” or “Your bulge isn’t very manly now is it?,” or “Where do you put your keys?”  People can be so hurtful and mean when someone or something is different.  It really just shows their insecurities, cause why else would they mock me?  Sure my body might not be as sexy as David Hasselhoff’s, but who’s it?  You tell me that.  I have feelings too, dammit … and don’t you forget it.

DISCLAIMER: When I say “me” or “my cousin”, I actually mean some guy I don’t know … and some guy with a camera phone I don’t know.  I’m sorry if you were confused be the wording.  It wasn’t meant to be misleading.  As for David Hasselhoff being sexy, that part is totally true.

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